Forum Post: Welcome To The United States Of Gingrichstan....The Neoconservative, Libertarian, Paradise Of Fools.

An Address By The President of NewtGingrichstan:

Thank you for joining me my fellow Reaganites. This past year has been a good one for our country. We continued our efforts to push the liberal radicals back into the ghettos and back towards the Democratic Republic of York Canada. We continue to limit the flow of arms across this border and our anti-terrorist efforts paid off in January when we captured the renegade reporter Maddow. Her public trial will begin once her associates can be brought to justice.

This year, our government was advised by Exxon and General Electric that underlabor had received suboptimal treatment and their children were falling asleep while on the job. We therefore invested heavily in raising higher walls around our suburbs and updated the lighting within the factories so that productivity will again rise.

We have continued to lobby our major food supplier, Monsanto, to divide some of it's operations in order that competition will again promote cleaner and safer foods. We have resisted the calls from our fellows, sympathetic to underlabor, to institute governmental inspections of our food supply. However, I have been assured by my friends at Monsanto that the poisonings and contaminated food outbreaks of the past year were related to saboteurs and those liberals that remain within our borders. We must be vigilant and collaborators must be identified. In Reagan we trust. Our federal government, however, will have no role in regulating the size or the scope of business. I have promised our corporate sponsors the continued support of our people.

There are again calls for increasing spending on the elderly and we have dealt with persistent complaints in their dealings with underlabor. I must say this emphatically, now, because otherwise this issue will continue to plague us. No citizen is to receive support after the age of 62. Our low income tax rates must not change and we cannot risk upsetting the sponsors of our government by returning the corporate tax. Citizens must continue to invest their money overseas and in underlabor enterprises so that they may sustain themselves after this age. Family members can supervise their underlaborers in caring for the elderly, or they can delegate this job to underlaborer supervisors. Those elderly who cannot be managed in this format will be transferred to our special hospice centers and family need not visit them thereafter. We understand that saying 'good bye' is difficult and the state seeks only for you to have to do it once. The continued propaganda from our enemies regarding the condition of these centers simply proves that we are doing the right thing. We will, however, continue to reduce hospice funding as requested by our pharmaceutical sponsor, MerkPfizer, who requires additional underlabor for its manufacture of their new blockbuster drug, "Cleerlung."

It is hoped that our great corporations will continue their use of the cleanest coal and petroleum distillates. The air quality of our capital has improved dramatically since the transfer of our energy production sites to the York Canada border. We will suffer no more citywide shutdowns due to polluted air and I will, I will, always resist the calls by the radical moderates that we should somehow slow down the progress of this nation for the sake of better air quality. Our corporations will, through the efficiency of the market, find the best solutions in dealing with their waste and "Cleerlung" has allowed most of us to put away our breathing masks.

That brings me to my next point, my fellow Reaganites, underlabor must be sifted for the threads of intelligence that it contains. I know this point is controversial, but we simply must provide certain members of this class, with proper monitoring, some basic reading and writing skills. Our defense industry continues to be our largest exporter and there is considerable demand for an intermediate designation of underlaborer first class. These individuals would then receive running water, but pay would otherwise remain unchanged. We simply must not fall behind the Chinese and Brazilians in our defense of NewtGingrichstan and we must make underlabor pull its weight. Our savior once stared down a nuclear power called the Soviet Union and so must we stand up to our enemies. Our research in this area continues to be sponsored by our final remaining native corporation, Boeing, and we have high hopes for our new drone tanks and bombers. The Brazilians will encroach no further along our southern border without facing a showdown. This I promise you.

I would like to thank our Religious brethren for the continued work in trying to save the souls of underlabor. The gospel of our Savior, Ronald Reagan, will triumph over the socialist and anarchist message of the discredited Christ. Our evangelists continue their New Testament project and I have been told that the official Reagan text shall appear within the next twelve months. I cannot tell you what a challenge this has been for the scholars involved. The miracles of the Lord Reagan were simply so numerous--and the observers now so late in years--that magnitude of this work must be appreciated by all of His followers. Those who still cling to the discredited Christ text will continue to forfeit their rights of citizenship and we will continue to purge this blight on the minds of underlabor. In Reagen we trust!

In the coming year, I promise to continue our wall building endeavors so that our suburban citizens will not have to look upon the scourge of the underclass. I will redouble, under the sponsorship of ADT and Halliburton, our home surveillance programs. We will contain this Democratic underlabor strife and we will keep taxes low. Thank Reagan and the virgin mother, Ayn Rand, for this beautiful land. We will be great once again.

Thank you, and good night.

Newt Beck Gingrich the second.