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Forum Post: Hey I finished my poem:

Posted 2 years ago on July 13, 2012, 8:33 a.m. EST by factsrfun (8656) from Phoenix, AZ
This content is user submitted and not an official statement

Nader the traitor has crawled under a rock,

It’s the only place safe from the things that he wrot.

As millennia approached us, we had one last shot,

To keep the planet we’re on from getting, too damn hot.

But Nader thought better his name should be heard.

And Gore was left standing with only his word.

Ten times ten thousand thought Gore couldn’t lose

And a statement was needed to make the world choose

Are we to be puppets and dance on a string?

Or will we be spirits and let our hearts sing?

December reality came crashing in

The court has decided that Bush got the win.

Where was the outrage where were the cries?

Believers were muted they bought all the lies

How could they scream, how could they roar?

When even their ballots weren’t marked for Al Gore?

The Court burned the votes on that day

So it would be safe for the Royals to play.

Tax cuts are sweet

We love all the meat

But Bush had a fear

What if folks start to hear?

An appointment or two

And I give you C-U.

23 Comments

23 Comments


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[-] 5 points by factsrfun (8656) from Phoenix, AZ 2 years ago

Come on hchc I don't you like my poem?

I see your pushing hard for Mitt, why don't you tell about all the things you love about Mitt?

[-] 4 points by VQkag2 (16478) 1 year ago

Nice! Don't think you will hear much from hc. He's sheepishly quiet since his repub candidates got beaten like an oldsalvation army drum. LOL

[-] -2 points by OTP (-203) from Tampa, FL 1 year ago

^Look at these two idiots....

[Removed]

[-] 3 points by ZenDog (13263) from South Burlington, VT 1 year ago

I haven't examined it closely, but you can tell just with a quick reading that in the lines that follow you have a consistent beat:

But Nader thought better his name should be heard.

And Gore was left standing with only his word.

Ten times ten thousand thought Gore couldn’t lose

And a statement was needed to make the world choose

Are we to be puppets and dance on a string?

Or will we be spirits and let our hearts sing?

December reality came crashing in

The court has decided that Bush got the win.

Where was the outrage where were the cries?

Believers were muted they had bought all the lies *

How could they scream, how could they roar?

When even their ballots weren’t marked for Al Gore?

.

In the beginning you flirt with that overall beat scheme, and in the end it completely disappears. Do you want a consistency with the beat? Given that it already exists for most of the poem, I think you do, but ultimately that's up to you.

< * > minor exception to the over all beat, remove the word had and the beat is clearly restored

[-] 2 points by factsrfun (8656) from Phoenix, AZ 1 year ago

Thanks, did it, i had fallen under the influence of "twas the Night before Xmas" for a bit, the other parts I decided I wanted to say what I had to say rather than worry about beat, but thanks for noticing...

[-] 1 points by ZenDog (13263) from South Burlington, VT 1 year ago

that's called iambic pentameter

Shakespeare used that form almost exclusively, both with and without rhyme.

[-] 2 points by factsrfun (8656) from Phoenix, AZ 1 year ago

I just push the words around till they sound good in my head....

[-] 1 points by ZenDog (13263) from South Burlington, VT 1 year ago

an understanding of what it is about it's structure that makes it sound the way it does, can help to think of the whole in new ways, which may open doors to new forms of creativity.

when applied to poetry it is called prosody. Iambic pentameter simply means the hard beat is usually every even numbered syllable, and there are ten [more or less] syllables per line.

[-] 2 points by factsrfun (8656) from Phoenix, AZ 1 year ago

English teachers and I have had a long standing feud over the spelling of words and I am afraid it has impeded my education. Thank you for the feedback and I will consider expanding my understanding of such things.

[-] 1 points by ZenDog (13263) from South Burlington, VT 1 year ago

I never used to be able to spell either - I was just never interested enough to pay attention. For some reason that changed over time, and I have become a bit more attentive.

[-] 2 points by factsrfun (8656) from Phoenix, AZ 1 year ago

I was blind as a bat, couldn't see what was going on till I was too far along in school to understand their insane reasoning in putting the letters together.

[-] 1 points by ZenDog (13263) from South Burlington, VT 1 year ago

that sucks.

[-] 1 points by factsrfun (8656) from Phoenix, AZ 1 year ago

I did a compete "rewrite" thanks for pointing out the inelegance of original

[-] 2 points by factsrfun (8656) from Phoenix, AZ 1 year ago

You see mid way down the poem I ask the question "How could they scream, how could they roar?" in 2000 5 million people who one would think were the most concerned about democracy were put in the position of how do we raise shit about a few hundred votes not being counted when we threw millions in the trash can?

[-] 2 points by factsrfun (8656) from Phoenix, AZ 1 year ago

A bump for old times sake.

[-] 2 points by therising (6643) 1 year ago

Yup. Citizens United was one of the lousy results of that mess, one of a hundred or more lousy results.

[-] 1 points by factsrfun (8656) from Phoenix, AZ 1 year ago

Just a rebump because the subject seems to keep coming up.

[-] 1 points by tomdavid55 (93) 2 years ago

put that to music, like these: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTQ1WOC9RgY Why Don't They Care About That?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2R_jT015UdU&feature=youtu.be Save This Earth

[-] 2 points by factsrfun (8656) from Phoenix, AZ 1 year ago

I can't play a lick...

[-] -2 points by georgyz (-16) 1 year ago

uh...you were aware that Obama has been in office for 5 years...right?

May I suggest your next poem deal with Dewey vs Truman election.

cuckoo cuckoo

[+] -6 points by kandy4 (-81) 1 year ago

Roses are red, violets are blue.

factsfun is an asshole ,

and his poems suck too

[-] 3 points by factsrfun (8656) from Phoenix, AZ 1 year ago

Chicken shit little punk you created a new ID cause you're such a Fucking Coward

[-] -2 points by OTP (-203) from Tampa, FL 1 year ago

Still drunk?

I like how you hacks dont mention that over 50% of the state of Florida never voted at all for anyone.