Posted 8 years ago on Nov. 19, 2011, 2:43 p.m. EST by TIOUAISE
This content is user submitted and not an official statement
Ready for... "immediate release".
FUNDERFOODS' FARTLESS BROCOLI ... IT'S A GAS!!!
Are you an avid brocoli eater tired of being told that your high-methane flatulence is contributing to indoor pollution AND global warming?
Move over, pre-cut, pre-washed, old-style Matante-Marie-France produce-aisle brocoli! Introducing pre-cooked, pre-digested, pre-burped, de-farted brocoli...
FUNDERFOODS' FARTLESS BROCOLI
Guaranteed fartless... OR your money back!
Produced from an ingenious genetic combination of brocoli with Beano-type enzymes that required 13 years of painstaking research and testing in the labs of Harvard University's School of Putrition, FUNDERFOODS' FARTLESS BROCOLI offers you ALL the benefits of healthy brocoli MINUS the social stigma and climate change perils related to traditional brocoli.
Now you can have your brocoli AND keep your friends too! FUNDERFOODS... a division of Moninsanito.... bringing you the inedible food of the future NOW!
WARNING: DO NOT INGEST!!! This is not old-fashioned "food" meant to be eaten, this is Moninsanito's super-high-tech "pseudofood of the future", meant to be prudently disposed of in the toilet bowl.
Directions: 1 - Put on vinyl gloves 2 - Open package carefully. Avoid inhaling fumes 3 - Slowly pour contents into toilet bowl 4 - Flush immediately.
If ingested, contact your nearest Poison Control Center.