Posted 10 years ago on Oct. 31, 2011, 7:31 p.m. EST by ARod1993
This content is user submitted and not an official statement
Say I came up to you and handed you a contract that I'd written in tiny print in continually self-referential legalese, filled it up with obscure mathematical notations, and slapped a signature space on the bottom. Say I then proceeded to inform you that the Laplacian operator of your income function is uniformly positive over the 2D vector space corresponding to income and debt, and that the value of this operator corresponds to the difference between maximum monthly payments and your minimum current income. Say that this difference meant that you could own your very own $300K home with only a couple grand down and an annual interest rate of 2%. What kind of a deal would you call that?
I'd call it a great deal, of the sort that you're not going to get from anyone but me. Two percent a year, huh? And you know what? Before we're done here, your Laplacian is high enough to qualify you for an extra special favor; we're gonna waive the first few monthly payments to help you get on your feet. Now sign here...
Wait; you believed that? You actually believed that shit? Sorry, pal; that two percent rate was just for the first year. Try twelve percent. What? You can't pay? Sorry, bud; those are the terms and I'm not gonna do jack about it. Can't pay? Fine; go ahead and pack up your bags while I get the cops.
That pitch up there? I'd call it snake oil sales and flat-out fraud. I'd further call you a complete and utter numskull worthy of public ridicule for buying it. The entire metric I based your "suitability" on is gibberish; the Laplacian operator of your pay scale is meaningless, and would ONLY be positive if the rate of growth of your pay is growing (which is flat-out crazy), and a 2D vector space composed of debt and income means absolutely nothing. Didn't you take elementary multivariable calculus in college? I thought not, given that I can smell your sorry ass halfway across the street. It was clearly your fault for signing something you couldn't understand even though you were promised a good deal and told it was a safe bet...