Forum Post: So corporations want to be people, huh?
Posted 12 years ago on Nov. 2, 2011, 1:28 p.m. EST by Stefaniegarcia
(0)
This content is user submitted and not an official statement
So I have been thinking about the idea that corporations are people as proposed by the Supreme Court and I think it is a very good idea. As I see it, the “Corporation-Americans” as they would like to be known as are almost laughably adding on the very restrictions and regulations that they wish to avoid. As I see it, people are far more restricted in our actions than corporations, and I would like to personally welcome them to the plight of humanity in a “free” nation.
First of all, welcome to individual income tax brackets. We don’t get as many loopholes and lobby-sponsored tax exclusions as businesses do, so I think you will enjoy being in the highest tax bracket for state, federal, and local income taxes. Better go get all your receipts for your travel-related expenses and healthcare costs! Oh, and you can deduct charitable donations, too! (If you are not aware of the term, “Charity” is when you give something to someone else who needs it without expecting something in return.)
And since you are so keen on your “rights” as a person under the Bill of Rights, let me remind you of a lesser known amendment…the 14th, which expressly denies your ability to hold slaves or indentured servants. Guess hostile takeovers will have to end, since taking another “person” against their will and making them work for you is illegal.
Speaking of takeovers, you know how in “Pretty Woman” Richard Gere talks about buying companies and then dismantling them and then selling them off in pieces as a great way for corporations to make extra money? Well, can’t do that anymore, since that would be akin to murder..and then selling body parts for profit…both of which are currently frowned upon in the criminal justice system. Can you imagine the photo of Compaq in a tub of ice with Hewlett-Packard looming over their desecrated corpse holding a bloody kidney? The press would have been all over it!
Oh, yea, that also means that you can now as an entity be held criminally responsible for things like theft, larceny, pollution…don’t complain that it was a rogue element in your company that raided those pension plans, since you are all like cells in one person’s body. I don’t think that the defense, “I didn’t commit the crime, it was my spleen” is a valid justification anymore.
We are also going to have to come to a consensus on how to sex one of you “Corporation –Americans.” Do we say the corporation is a male or female by the sex of the CEO? How about the ration of male to female employees? Maybe we could do something with the corporate mascots? What about the products they sell (I think it would be safe to say Mary Kay is a female Corporation-American if this is the method.) Or how about the shape of the building? (The Torre Agbat Building in Spain…for sure a boy!)
The reason I bring this is up is that mergers will have to be reconsidered. First of all, in many states, a merger will only be allowed between a boy Corporation-American and a girl Corporation-American, because that is what God intended. Additionally, unless we are in Utah, I am pretty sure polygamy is illegal as well, so that means after you have merge red with your first Corporation-American, you will have to divorce that one (including reaching settlements on the alimony payments, who gets what physical property, and child support for any subsidiaries that were created during the time of the merger) to be allowed to merger another Corporation-American.
Which brings up a good point: If a Corporation-American starts to create a subsidiary, but then decides against it, will the right-to-lifers protest its demise as an act of abortion? And we also restrict rights of children in this country, so Corporation-Americans who are under the age of 18 cannot be involved in voting, smoking, drinking, or driving….which would kind of bum out the Christmas parties.
Finally, what about “Cutting” massive amounts of jobs? Cutting is a sign of serious mental distress, depression, and possibly suicide. Therefore I propose that if we catch a Corporation-American cutting, they should immediately be put on a 72 hour psych hold at Belleview.
So all in all, I think we are on the right track for this reimaging over corporations. I say, if they want to be people, let them. With all these “rights” we enjoy (like the right to protest which is being fantastically upheld throughout our nation) they should have to learn some of the responsibilities of being a human being. Morality, ethics, not screwing your fellow man in order to make a profit…welcome to the murky pit of humanity, guys!
Love and warmth to all of you guys on the front lines. Thanks for showing us that peeople have the power to affect change in this country!
Stefanie Garcia, Ft. Worth, Texas
You lost me at "as proposed by the Supreme Court".
Take a civics class, please.
Tell that to Governor 1% Cuomo and his Committe to Enslave NY run by real estate and corporate interests funding the destruction of middle class union workers in NYS
You mean government workers. If you want to see Stage 4 public union cancer, look at Greece. That's where it ends when government stops running for its people, but instead merely runs for the benefit of its employees.
government worker did not cause the recession. They had zero hands in this. Thats the facts
The relationship of government to its employees badly needs reform. The inflexibility, the work rules, the sick days, the excessive for life benefits, the early retirements, it all needs change. Government workers negotiate, but then corrupt the process by electioneering to rig with whom they're negotiating. Look at Wisconsin. What they couldn't win one way, they tried to win with recalls. Govts around the country are being crushed.
Trash collection in Chicago costs 3x what it does in Houston. Unions. In Chicago, a crew of 3 changes street lights. In Houston it's 1. Unions. In Chicago a study showed city workers ON AVERAGE only working 5 1/2 hours a day. Unions. The shake down has to stop; the money is no longer there for the nonsense.
recalls are in the Wis consstitution. Excessive comapred to what wal mart wages? keep grasping for straws buddy.
I know what's allowed. It just points out the process. Government workers use their role as citizens to pad their situations as employees. It's broken. Even FDR knew better.
But what's it for? So that a small government class of middle class workers can live much better than middle class people that don't happen to work for government. Government workers and their unions are utterly tone deaf to what's happened to the people that pay their salaries. It all ends in Greece.
sorry stop repeating Fox News talking points. We have the right to collectively bargain and not have the employer as the be all end all. The private sector needs some balls and unionize for the wages we deserve. No more race to the bottom
You shouldn't have, but in many places you currently do. It's a broken system that even FDR warned about. Working families in government living better than working families that don't, but are asked to pay for it. It badly needs reform.
I thought you people are against class warfare? I guess this does not apply to public employees. Sorry dude, we make alot less tahn our private sector counterparts. Its a fact!
Jefferson warned:
I hope we shall crush in its birth the aristocracy of our monied corporations which dare already to challenge our government to a trial by strength, and bid defiance to the laws of our country. Thomas Jefferson
It isn't class warfare, it's simply reasserting the idea that government should exist for the benefit or its citizens, not just the people that happen to work there.
Government does exist for the citizens. Everything has been fine until the class warfare by right wingers against public employees, the same people who care and work for the people. Unfortunately, corporations are trying to destroy our government from within. Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels has called public unions "the privileged elite" during a speech in Ohio.
It isn't elites against public employees, it's ordinary people that want back control of their government. The unions love to prop themselves as "working families". Yeah, it's a small minority of working families living at the expense of far more working families. One whines about the slightest reform, while the other just got whacked by a recession. The unions are tone deaf. They have lifetime benefits, job security, automatic raise just for showing up, and early retirements. They also often get checks for unused sick days at retirement, something long gone for taxpayers. Government and unions have lied to us about the cost for an extra kick in the ass.
They aren't sticking it the Man, they're just sticking it to the neighbor.
Reform is badly overdue.
Wonderfully said!
Corporations have no 'personal responsibility"
While i disagree with the CU ruling, be careful what you wish for. Your analogy of dismantling companies is akin to murder. Would it then not be the rational correlation that a dying company must be saved? lots of businesses fail that would need 'emergency care'.
We already gave emergency care... Remember the GM, Chrysler bailouts? The AIG bailout? They weren't really that long ago..
Why don't we go the other way. Corporations are human, then humans are corporations.
Allow people to be cut up and chopped up. Don't like your mother-in-law? Just dismember her and sell her body parts for organ donation. Think of the profits not the mention the intangibles..