Posted 6 years ago on Nov. 27, 2011, 3:58 p.m. EST by Philpux
from Mountain View, AR
This content is user submitted and not an official statement
In September of this year, a group of protesters began attempting to use Jedi mind control to affect social reform in the United States. The group, dubbed "Occupy Wall Street," started their experiment by taking over New York City's Zuccotti Park, a small privately owned space in the city's business district. Rejecting all traditional methods of political demonstration, the protesters have decided to rely solely on their mastery of the "Force" to influence the United States' political and financial systems.
The "Force" is believed by its proponents to be an unseen, undetectable energy that flows through all of the universe, including the United States Government and Wall Street. The protesters, some of whom are themselves Jedi, hope to enact peace, prosperity, and justice for all citizens by focusing their collective Jedi mind control powers into one "really, like, super kick ass disruption in the Force," says protester Mallory "moonbaby" Levtovowitz, 27, of Yardley, PA.
Mallory goes on to say, "Yeah, we tried to decide what to do at the general assembly meeting. We talked about, like, writing a list of demands or some kind of message, but there were, like, a bunch of dweebs from the Star Wars convention that kept voting to use the Force. They wouldn't leave, so we totally ended up voting to use the Force."
Max "Tattooinian" Brondhaver, another protester who describes himself as a third level Jedi, was quoted as saying "I'm just really stoked about the whole thing. This is like the first time ever that the Force is being used this way."
The protesters plan to continue their occupation of Zuccotti Park, and other public spaces throughout the nation, until "like everyone has everything they need, and like never has to worry about anything ever," explains Levtovowitz.