Forum Post: Goldman Sachs Announces Presidential Run, Says Corporations Are People, Too!

Goldman Sachs, the global investment bank and financial services firm, announced Friday morning that it is running for president of the United States.

The announcement was made at a farm near Waterloo, Iowa, by the musician Ted Nugent, who was hired to speak for the candidate.

“We love oil and God and gasoline!” shouted Mr. Nugent, as he held aloft two semiautomatic machine guns and a sleeve of red-white-and-blue-painted grenades. “And we hate them people who don’t look American and drive those weird tiny cars and use big words!”

Mr. Nugent kept his remarks brief and did not mention the candidate, Goldman Sachs, by name.

Several public advocacy groups are already a considering a constitutional challenge to Goldman’s candidacy, arguing that the financial behomoth has — for all practical purposes — already been president for the last eight years and is therefore constitutionally barred from a third term.

According to Mike Allen, chief White House correspondent for Politico, the investment bank is prepared for the legal challenge.

“Last week they deployed all 12,498 of their lobbyists to Capitol Hill and have secured the votes for a historic piece of legislation,” said Mr. Allen.

“The new law will allow Goldman Sachs – and only Goldman Sachs — to offer up to $100 million each to all nine Supreme Court justices.”

A spokesman for Speaker John Boehner refused to comment.

Goldman Sachs is only the second corporation in American history to run for president. The first was former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney.

Full article: http://www.salon.com/2011/11/26/goldman_sachs_announces_presidential_run/singleton