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Forum Post: Bejeezus feeds the 5000

Posted 2 years ago on Feb. 18, 2012, 3:32 p.m. EST by debndan (1145)
This content is user submitted and not an official statement

I've always wondered how those that call themselves Christians, but yet ignore christ's call for social justice and compassion for their fellow man, could justify this... So I went to a mega church and read one of their bibles... here's what I found

Bejeezus feeds the 5000

Seeing his mega church spread like wildfire, Bejeezus decided to hold an open air rally to promote his latest book. Now the crowds swelled to 5000, and they were all having a rockin good time.

But later everyone got hungry, and the disciples wanted to send the crowd away so they could grab a bite at McHerods.

Now seeing an opportunity to turn a quick buck, Bejeezus ask if their was something they could sell to the hungry crowds. They found that a small boy had 5 loaves and 2 fish.

Knowing that this was not enough, Bejeezus broke them in pieces and added fillers and such, till it was enough to feed the whole crowd.

Now when the Bejeezus started handing out free samples, the disciples became alarmed at such a loss of profit. But Bejeezus calmed them down to explain that he was only doing so that he could sell even more later.

And sure enough, the fish/loaf samplers were enough for the crowd to buy him out. This pleased the disciples, especially since no-one had complained about the child labor used to gather the fish and loaves in the first place.

But, seeing the dangers of raising concerns amongst the now satisfied crowd, the Bejeezus determined it would be better if he went to farm raised fish, and used the profits to outsource the bread making operations to china.

9 Comments

9 Comments


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[-] 2 points by MattLHolck (16833) from San Diego, CA 2 years ago

I was disappointed when taco bell claimed that they actually sold meat

previously, I hope for finally a reasonable priced vegetarian fast food restaurant

[-] 1 points by debndan (1145) 2 years ago

Yeah, it was also shocking that the taco stuff didn't meet the minimum standerd to be considered meat, though I was already quite sure it wasn't beef : D

[-] -1 points by Kirby (104) 2 years ago

You could plant a garden and bypass the corporate food giants. I went to a buffet and loaded up on salad and something made my neck get all hived.

[-] 2 points by debndan (1145) 2 years ago

Hoping this gets me off of Zendogs, jarts, thrasy's and girlfriday's shit list...

I think we agree more than disagree..the rest is just semantics

[-] 1 points by debndan (1145) 2 years ago

I hope this doesn't mean I'm going to hell.

[-] 0 points by JanitorInaDrum (134) 2 years ago

To be on the s list of those you mention means you get to share the throne of God so don't trying to make nice with satan's brainwashed agents

[-] 1 points by debndan (1145) 2 years ago

didn't think of it that way

Your probably right, just tired of the hypocrisy all the way around.

Tired of the far left accusing christians of being uncaring

Tired of the far right saying it's biblical to ignore the poor

But I hope the post wasn't too sacreligious

[Removed]

[-] 0 points by Kirby (104) 2 years ago

Your funny.

[-] 1 points by debndan (1145) 2 years ago

somedays...other days, I'm really not well....