Forum Post: A desperate plea for an alternative.

My younger brother & father each died in 2011, within three months of each other; I believe that they each had exposed themselves to conditions that had hastened their death.

I am DonFphrnqTaub Persina. I have been suicidal since 1963, three years old; but, I am a cowardly suicide, that I do continue to procrastinate, in 2011.

My parents, particularly my mother, had abused me much thoughout my childhood, into young adulthood. &, my father would beat on her, chronically. Lately my mother tells me that she did not hit me, or, @ other times, that parents have a right to do whatever they want to do to their children.

My mother often says that I had been a perfect child; that seems nonsense to me. @ other times she says that I would dance & sing. Many ways to divert from the important issues; many ways to be dysfunctional.

I have been on Social Security Disability since 1985.

I had had an on again off again marriage for eighteen years.

For several years my parents had helped with a trailerhome, until my father died; but, that would no longer work.

I am chronic fatigue, obsessive compulsive, myofascial.

I do not know what to do about housing; I am terrified of being forced into housing where I would need to sleep within twenty feet of anyone else.

I do have a lot of adrenaline, & very negative emotion, when confronted with either excess noise &/or tobacco. If I am forced to sleep within twenty feet of anyone, possibly even somewhat further, I expect to get much of each.

Sometimes, I have smelt tobacco on clothing from days ago; although, there are other times when I cannot. I have smelt tobacco @ two hundred feet.

I do hope for a reasonable, workable housing choice.

I am terrified of what I might do to them, & what they might do to me.

If not, a death penalty would help; it could end all of my worry & fear, permanently.

I do care for a turtle, as well as an alleypussycat that I had found @ the trailer complex, named ParkWest, an horrific slumlord.

I do watch Directtv for Msnbc, Cnn, Freespeech, Worldlink. That & internet do help me to maintain some reality, if I have any @ all. I have not seen a movie theater movie since the 1990's, when with my wife; I do try to avoid restaurants as much as feasible. Mostly, I watch news.

I do wish that I could be employed @ something.

If you, or anyone else, are | is to write to me, electronic mail is not so reliable; I do have chronic problems with it.

Box #0022, Desert Hot, Ca 92240.

Thank You,

DonFphrnqTaub Persina