Forum Post: History - a condensed version
Posted 12 years ago on Dec. 8, 2011, 8:49 p.m. EST by tomcat68
(298)
This content is user submitted and not an official statement
For those who don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1 . Liberals
- Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement...
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some note worthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat and the "No Celebration" rule in Football because it might make the other team Feel Bad.. Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively.
Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America .. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to
angrily reply to the above with comments of "TROLL" before clicking dislike.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that they will click like immediately just to piss off the liberals.
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.....I'm going to have another beer.
The power of fiction and alcohol at its finest.
Nahhh,,,a conservartive will fuck the nun behind closed doors, while preaching how wrong it is for the preists to be fucking nuns,,,that is until he gets caught....then he goes to the TV and asks his people for forgiveness. Liberals will fuck the nun, and deny knowing her until he gets caught. Please dude.....I think if you label yourself either, you are brainwashed. How can any free thinking individual be 100 percent Con or Lib, all the time, on every issue.
you got that right :)
just have to side with the Lesser of two evils. How many Billions did the current lunatic liberal spend his 1st 100 days in office? oh wait it was over a Trillion.
That should be Enough for EVERY American to vote conservative, but Every American doesn't think.
hopefully this teleprompter reading Disaster will turn the voters thinking lights on for next year.
No.....you take action, form a third party by the people, and make real change happen! :)
"Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller"
hahahaa conservatives have poor taste and are the most susceptible to advertising.
lol, maybe
or Conservatives are Conservative.
how much did you pay for that?
taste? bud is the taste of Freedom. you have to learn to respect it.
bud is a now a belgian owned company
interesting bit of trivia :) thanks
No I don't. If budweiser wasn't garbage they wouldn't have to spend hundreds of millions of dollars every year advertising it. If it was so good it would sell itself.
lol ok :)
your money is still good and is why we stock white wine behind the bar nancy
I don't care for the white, piss drinker. I prefer a cheap pinot noir or cabernet. When I want to get drunk I drink whiskey like a real man; not some 3.5% diluted bullshit. Bud is for high school kids and idiots at a ball game who want to spend $50 to get a buzz
thas raight bwoy
The moral sounds right. Please prepare yourself.
this is a funny :)
You should send this to Paul Krugman. He'd slap himself silly with his girlie hands.
lol
Thank you for the humor, which I enjoyed, even though I can't agree with your viewpoint Don't worry because you can attend one our re-education centers after reason and common sense have been restored to governments at all levels. I look forward to teaching one or more of your classes.
ohh boy, a "re-education center" isn't that what the nazis called the concentration camps?
doesn't matter.
good luck changing the world.
what these guy's said. I guess I just outed myself as a conservative.... The first enlightening moment on I've had here...... rock on!
lol :P
I can't argue with any of that. But get ready for a shitstorm of righteous indignation!
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4mkRFCtl2MI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z9WVZddH9w
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EewGMBOB4Gg
http://thezeitgeistmovement.com/
http://blog.thezeitgeistmovement.com/
http://www.thevenusproject.com/